Post 28: Just some things from today
I’ve been a little bogged down by all of the everything that is right now. Bogged down in the sense of somehow having to figure anew how it is that I take place (the present moment seems to require a lot of reevaluation), and how I can continue to take place in the midst of, alongside of, and in opposition to the ruptures and sludges of it. I could describe “it,” though I truly think the pronoun speaks for itself, and in a way stands for and describes this moment's own confines by remaining only as “it.” Anyway, I’ve been kind of inundated (or something) in feeling the impossibility of articulating all that I take in (in a day, for instance)--facts, thoughts, ideas, sights (some mine, but mostly others’)--and find myself walking around with all this undigested stuff (I’d like to put a heavy emphasis on the static sound of the word “stuff”) in me. I can feel the unusable excess in myself.
I have often felt that there is an act of weaving that needs to be done to bring my personal making-related thinking, seeing, and processing into understanding with…I never really know what the other end of this is aside from: everything else. (Though, why make categories of our lives?) It’s both because of my desire for things to be woven, and because I think there’s a way that “everything else” is only seemingly a non-making category. (As in: Could non-making really be a category for me if making is always something that will be existing in relation to it?) I guess I'm just thinking about all of the things I take in and how these exist in me, and what I make, and how this too starts as something existing in me. I'm reminded of these few lines from an essay called "The Marionette Theater": "The umbrella teases. It opens. Then folds back on itself. Really, it's two umbrellas. Yet it's one. A villager would have to have two minds to grasp this" (Silk 1999, 73).
So, because of this feeling of being unsorted, and the inherently-persisting desire I have to take what is in me (what comes into me, what I come across) and place it outside of me after it has been transformed from being in me, I’m simply sharing a couple of moments from my today. In a funny way, I think this is the most diary-like post of any post I’ve made, maybe largely just in my feeling about it. Which seems fitting–the thought of something being shared into or out of a diary softens the rigid ideas of input and output that I've been associating with things. The lean toward diary is flimsier than those words in a way that feels good. In addition, I seem to have been firming up one speed of my blog posts (maybe I’d call it the speed of “single thought that then gets thought about a bit longer") and I’d like to bring in the freedom of having a variety of speeds. Hence:






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